Kitchen party (Zambian culture)

 

 

Two Mondays ago I had the opportunity to experience my first ever Zambian “kitchen party”.  What’s a “kitchen party” you ask?  It’s a bridal shower!  I had heard about these events and I had received the invitation a long time ago so I was curiously anticipating the event.  The party was to start at 9:00 according to the invitation, taking place under a pavilion, but I was told not to arrive before 10:30.  At 11:00 I found loud music playing, people seated and chatting, the attendants outside milling around and a few ladies dancing.

I was hoping to slip in and find a seat in the rows of benches but, unfortunately, I was taken up to the very front table seated the closest to where the bride to be would sit once she came in.  Sigh!

When the bride arrived, people gathered around the car.  We went outside to greet her, but surprisingly, she did not simply exit the car.  She slithered out very carefully, while women covered her with a chitengue (very colorful cloth used by Zambians for everything from wrapping it around like a skirt, to carrying babies, to sitting on on the ground etc…) placing one person in front of her and one behind, as to cover her completely from head to toe, so that no one could see her.  The only clue being a puff of ruffles peeking out the sides.

The bride made her way through the pavilion very slowly, with drums and music, to the cheers of the crowd, to carefully, all while being lead and not being able to see where she was going, sit down on a mattress on the floor under a decorated area.

This took some skill as not to reveal her too soon.  On a side note: once we returned from greeting the bride my seat was taken (later I found out by the groom’s mother) so I blissfully moved to another seat next to Bina Beauty (our cleaning lady and friend). This was good for two reasons: one, I wasn’t up front and center anymore, and two,I could ask her to explain to me what was happening and why.

Once the bride was settled, the women all sang traditional “kitchen party” songs revolving around what is expected of her as a bride and wife (at least that’s what I got from asking about the lyrics).  After a while, another car arrived bringing the groom and his attendants with gifts in hand.  He also slowly came into the pavilion along with music and cheers.  He then came over to the area where the bride was seated and slowly started to fold up the chitengue from the far end (this one was probably 8 meters long). Gradually, a little bit at a time, he finally unveiled her to the glee of the crowd!  She was indeed his bride!!

The surprising thing to me though was her posture!  I expected her to be looking up at her husband to be, smiling and happy to see him.  Instead, her face was very blank as she sat like a rag doll with her thumbs tucked into her fists.  She accepted a hug from her groom, and once he stood up, she lowered her head to the floor and sat absolutely still like a doll.  But why, my 4 year old self was asking?

Apparently this represents, as I understand it to be, her ignorance, submission, gratefulness and inability to do anything by herself. Throughout the “kitchen party” she was to maintain this overall posture while others instructed her and gave her guidance and she was to give them gifts of gratefulness. She and the groom danced around together for a little while and then spent time giving gifts to their mothers and other close friends.  Each time the bride gave someone a gift she curtsied and then rolled fully on the ground on one side and then the other clapping her hands together in gratefulness.  Yes, she is literally laying down on the ground!

Once the gift giving was accomplished, the pastor’s wife gave them a challenging word of scripture and addressed the crowd and then food was handed out in “to go” bags for all to take home with them.

The bride was then taken by a committee of women, to the “kitchen”, an area where a cupboard and stove were sitting along with a multitude of pots, pans and an assortment of kitchen equipment, where they “explained” to her how to use each item.  She submissively watched and listened to their counsel.

To end the “kitchen party” announcements were made for each large monetary gift that was given and from whom it had come: kw 2000 from ____ for the purchase of a fridge etc…  The invitation to the “kitchen party” had a suggested amount of money to be given as a gift to the bride so at least I knew ahead of time that I didn’t have to go searching for a gift and it let me know what monetary gift would be appropriate.  So I was grateful.

A few people gave thanks to all who attended and supported the bride and groom and then, with a little more dancing, the party was “finished” (as they say here).  The “kitchen party” lasted about 3 hours in total and was very nice.  It was a fun experience and I was enlightened as to what a Zambian “kitchen party” entailed.